The Four Horsemen: Stonewalling Part II

Relationship and Marriage Advice | The Gottman Relationship Blog: The Four Horsemen: Stonewalling Part II: On Monday  we introduced Stonewalling , Dr. Gottman’s fourth and final  horseman. It is our goal this week to help you understand thi...

Stonewalling

Relationship and Marriage Advice | The Gottman Relationship Blog: The Four Horsemen: Stonewalling: Happy Monday! Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we continue our series devoted to Dr. Gottman's Four Horsemen with the last,...

The Importance of Fondness and Admiration.

Relationship and Marriage Advice | The Gottman Relationship Blog: The Four Horsemen: Contempt Weekend Homework Assig...: Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we would like to continue Wednesday's discussion on Fondness and Admiration , which ...

The Four Horsemen: Contempt Part II

Relationship and Marriage Advice | The Gottman Relationship Blog: Four Horsemen: Contempt Part II: Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we would like to continue Monday's discussion on Horseman #3: Contempt . According to Ma...

Contempt - Sulphuric Acid for any Relationship

Relationship and Marriage Advice | The Gottman Relationship Blog: The Four Horsemen: Contempt: Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we would like to continue our series on Dr. Gottman's four horsemen with horseman #3: Con...

The Four Horsemen: Defensiveness Part II

Relationship and Marriage Advice | The Gottman Relationship Blog: The Four Horsemen: Defensiveness Part II: In healthy relationships, partners don’t get defensive when discussing an area of conflict. According to Dr. Gottman, they instead t...

The Four Horsemen: Defensiveness

Relationship and Marriage Advice | The Gottman Relationship Blog: The Four Horsemen: Defensiveness: Greetings from The Gottman Institute! We hope you’ve had a wonderful weekend. This week on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we continue...

10 Ways to Betray Your Relationship (Other Than Infidelity)

1. Conditional Commitment:  You or your partner are keeping your eyes open for something “better.”
2. A Nonsexual Affair:  Consider any actions taken with someone other than your partner that you would be uncomfortable with them seeing.  This is your signal that you are crossing the line.
3. Lying:  Being dishonest will erode the safety in your relationship.  Whether it’s straight forward deceit or lies to avoid conflict, they can be toxic.
4. Forming a Coalition Against the Partner:   Whether it’s a parent or friend, ganging up on your partner will not be received well.  The relationship can feel less collaborative and more “you against me.”
5. Absenteeism or Coldness:  Failing to prioritize each other at a time of emotional needs can have a devastating impact.  Whether failing to support during highly stressful events or consistently missing opportunities to turn towards each other during the rigors of life, both are destructive.
6. Withdrawal of Sexual Interest:  Though some couples report that a decrease in sex isn’t harmful to their satisfaction together, if it’s not addressed productively it can be wounding.
7. Disrespect:   What encapsulates this for me is a quote by John Gottman…”A loving relationship is not about one person having the upper hand – it’s about holding hands.”
8. Unfairness:   Going back on promises made on big life decisions is one of the biggest ways couples can feel slighted.  Other common issues are around finances and housework.
9. Selfishness:  When one partner lives mostly in a “me” vs “we” paradiagm, me-centred behaviours can negatively impact the relationship.
10. Breaking Promises:   A pattern of disappointments around broken or unfulfilled promises can undermine trust between the couple.  The person engaged in breaking promises can inadvertently send the message, “You don’t matter.”

From LisaKiftTherapy.com

"Good Housekeeping" - Coping With Change.

"When love is strong a man and a woman can make their bed on a sword's blade. When love is weak, a bed of 30 metres is not wide enough"
(The Talmud - Jewish Rabbinical Instruction.)

Coping with Change. 4 Couples. 4 Stories including Com & Isabel in June issue of 'Good Housekeeping.'