Compulsive Consumerism?

British parents are trapping their children in a cycle of "compulsive consumerism" by showering them with toys and designer labels instead of spending quality time with them, a UN report has found. The report by Unicef, the UN children's agency, warns that materialism has come to dominate family life in Britain as parents "pointlessly" amass goods for their children to compensate for their long working hours. While parents said they felt compelled into buying more, the children themselves said spending time with their families made them happier. Unicef UK said the obsession was one of the underlying causes of the riots and widespread looting which gripped the UK last month, as teenagers targeted shops for the designer clothes and goods.

The study, which was jointly funded by the Department for Education, was commissioned after an earlier Unicef report ranked Britain as the worst country in the industrialised world to be a child. It prompted David Cameron to coin the expression “broken Britain” and fuelled calls for a raft of new family friendly policies. In its latest study Unicef commissioned researchers from Ipsos Mori interviewed hundreds of children in Britain, Sweden and Spain, asking them about their ideas of happiness and success.

Researchers found that consumerism was less deeply embedded in Sweden and Spain, which rank significantly higher for the wellbeing of children. British parents work longer hours and are simply “too tired” to play with their children whom in turn they can no longer control. Families across the country, irrespective of social class or race, are less likely to spend time, eat or play games together, with children often left to their own devices. In British households television is increasingly used as a "babysitter”, while children's bedrooms have become “media bedsits” with computers, games consoles and widescreen TVs taking the place of dolls houses or model aeroplanes.

The report found that children from poorer families were also less likely to take part in outdoor activities than those in the other countries, opting for a “sedentary” lifestyle in front of the television or computer games. The trend was more marked in teenagers. Among the more startling examples of obsessive consumerism uncovered by the report was a mother fretting over whether to buy a Nintendo DS games system for her three- year-old son convinced that he would be bullied if she did not get him one.

In Sweden family time was embedded into the “natural rhythm” of daily life with parents sharing mealtimes, fishing trips, sporting events or evenings in with their children. While in Spain fathers tended to work long hours, children enjoyed more attention from their mothers and wider family circle. But in Britain, some parents spoke of having “given up” on taking their children to organised activities.

The report, authored by Dr Agnes Nairn, an academic and marketing expert, said: “Parents in the UK almost seemed to be locked into a system of consumption which they knew was pointless but they found hard to resist." She concluded that there was an "enormous difference" between Britain and other countries. She said: “While children would prefer time with their parents to heaps of consumer goods, [their] parents seem to find themselves under tremendous pressure to purchase a surfeit of material goods for their children. This compulsive consumption was almost completely absent in both Spain and Sweden.”

Sarah Teather, the UK Children’s Minister, said: "We share Unicef's concerns about the rise of consumerism among children, and it's worrying to see that in some cases parents are under the same pressures. “We are clear this needs to be tackled and are currently working with businesses and regulators to implement the recommendations from Reg Bailey's review on commercialisation and sexualisation of children.”

The original Unicef report, which was published in 2007, ranked Britain bottom out of 21 developed country for child welfare. It was third from bottom for educational standards, bottom for self esteem and second from bottom for the number of teenage pregnancies. British children were twice as likely as the average to have been drunk by the age of 15, and significantly less likely to be in two parent families than those elsewhere, were more likely to have tried drugs and had one of the worst diets in the developed world.

Sue Palmer, author of the book Toxic Childhood, said: “We are teaching our children, practically from the moment they are born, that the one thing that matters is getting more stuff. “We are probably the most secular society in the world, we do not have the counterbalance of religion but at the same time we are a very driven society very into progress and making money.”

A Dodgy Tummy.

One of my sons is off school today. A dodgy tummy, so he says. Yet he seems in remarkably good spirits! Have I been duped? Is he playing the emotional blackmail card again? I give him the benefit of the doubt.

Each time we find ourselves with time together minus the other two sticks of dynamite, there is calm, peace, relative sanity. And each time he says the very same thing to me. “Dad, this is just like it was when I was at Play Group. Me and you by ourselves.” In those days we had time alone between sessions. And every Thursday we did something special. Short Tennis. Swimming. Board games. Hot chocolate in a wee cafe. A Star Wars film. (It’s the Curriculum for Excellence, if you ask me.)It has made an indelible impression on him. He keeps referring to it.

Time alone with Dad. His time. No sibling rivalry. It is a very simple thing to do. And it has many benefits both ways. Undivided attention from Dad. A child will share many things alone with a parent. You get to really know and enjoy many aspects of your child in their growing up. It’s pleasure, pleasure. And the child is not competing for you with others. If things have not been going well between you and a child it restores your faith and reminds you how much you love them for you see them at their best. If you are afflicted with what has been called ‘Compromised Parental Wellbeing’ whereby you love your children but hate the oft-times grind and hard work of parenting, you can be cured!

One mother of 5 sons decided to set the goal of having one-to-one time with each of them once a month, starting in primary school. She said she could not have imagined doing this with her son when he was 22 if she hadn’t started early. It has made all the difference.

Another parent talks about dating his daughter, meeting her for coffee once a month when she was in the teenage years. But it only works because he carved out special time for her in the primary years. If you consider it important, you simply schedule it in.

A father having special time with his child is of inestimable value.

And the dodgy tummy? Forget the Calpol. It has been miraculously cured by a large dose of Lego Star Wars.

Cabbage Water.

A couple from Bristol have put their marital bliss down to a rather unusual recipe.

Len, 93 and Irene Brown, 91 who met in their early teens have revealed cabbage water as the key ingredient in their 70 year marriage. After decades of enjoying the beverage - made from water left from boiling the green vegetable - they will be celebrating their remarkable platinum wedding anniversary.

Known for its health benefits cabbage became popular with dieters in the Eighties, with a string of celebrities from Liz Hurley to Joanna Lumley opting for low calorie cabbage soup.

Now Len and Irene claim that the purifying water which they enjoy on a regular basis has added years to their lives. Len said: 'Every Sunday we always have cabbage with our Sunday lunch and have a glass of water the cabbage was cooked in. I have had that since I was knee-high. 'My mum always said it purified the blood. I told the doctor the other day and he said that may well be right.'

Let's Start At The Very Beginning.

Inspite of our very best intentions, we never did make it to Salzburg whilst on holiday in Austria this year. I wanted to be able to tell my brothers I had done the Sound of Music tour! Alas, no. Other things prevailed.

I was put in mind of a song from that film recently when I had to give a short presentation on the work of ‘X plus Y’. What do you say in less than 15 minutes to Church people who wish to support and encourage family life in their community?

Simple really. Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. Begin with new parents, because this is the stage at which relationships are most vulnerable early on. The joys and pressure of new baby are many and varied. Unfortunately some couples don’t survive this stage. But most do, gladly.

Secondly. Take care in the middle. When we become familiar with each other, presume we know each other, have clearly defined roles and routines, this is the phase when we can quietly and unintentionally drift apart. It is worth paying close attention to our relationship during these sometimes routine, monochrone days, even by simply agreeing to spending 15 minutes each day connecting with each other by talking and listening.

‘X plus Y’ - resources designed to help couples on the way.

The Many Benefits Of Hands-On Dads.

Fathers who are hands-on in the raising of their children can play an important role in the intellectual and behavioural development of their offspring, new research has found. Published in the Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, the study showed fathers can positively influence their son or daughter by being actively engaged with the little ones.

Erin Pougnet, a PhD candidate in the Concordia University Department of Psychology and a member of the Centre for Research in Human Development - which has been in operation for more than 30 years - said: "Compared with other children with absentee dads, kids whose fathers were active parents in early and middle childhood had fewer behaviour problems and higher intellectual abilities as they grew older."

Ms Pougnet explained this finding is even true among socio-economically at-risk families, as a father has the ability to set appropriate limits and to influence their problem-solving abilities. She suggested dads could also play a role in a child's emotional problems, such as anxiety, social withdrawal and sadness.

Russell Hurn, Chartered Psychologist, commented: "I certainly agree. Not only do actively involved fathers provide additional emotional support but also provide modelling for behaviour, social interaction and the child's self-esteem. Being involved with your child is a way of communicating your acceptance and love for them which can help to form the basis of their self concept and therefore the way they see themselves in the world. The benefits are also for the father as a good bond with your child can promote many positive feelings of self worth, pride and a sense of achievement."