6. Don’t dump out all your stored-up complaints. Keep a few in reserve so you won’t be caught with nothing left while your partner still has four or five.
7. Restate your partner’s message. Let him see how truly irrational it is.
8. Make “I” statements, not “you” statements, except when nothing but a good “you” statement will do.
9. Don’t raise your voice. You can have so much more effect by speaking softly between clenched teeth.
10. Accept your partner the way she is. You can’t change people—you can only change yourself—so don’t try to change her, except, of course, for the few things that really do need changing. In fact, make a list.
Thursday 28 April 2011
Wednesday 27 April 2011
Ten Rules For A Healthy Relationship. 1 - 5
1. Never go to bed angry. Stay up all night yelling and screaming. After the way your partner behaved, he doesn’t deserve to sleep.
2. Don’t jump in to help when your partner is telling a joke, unless, of course, you can tell it much better.
3. When fighting, take a time out. That will give you a chance to come up with more devastating putdowns.
4. Don’t interrupt your partner. You need to have all the facts in order to show her how totally wrong she is.
5. Don’t mind read. Your partner might be thinking awful things about you that you don’t want to know.
Courtesy: Dan Wiles, www.psychotherapy.net
2. Don’t jump in to help when your partner is telling a joke, unless, of course, you can tell it much better.
3. When fighting, take a time out. That will give you a chance to come up with more devastating putdowns.
4. Don’t interrupt your partner. You need to have all the facts in order to show her how totally wrong she is.
5. Don’t mind read. Your partner might be thinking awful things about you that you don’t want to know.
Courtesy: Dan Wiles, www.psychotherapy.net
Monday 25 April 2011
Grandparenting & Children.
If you have children and you live long enough, you're likely to become a grandparent.
What does becoming a grandparent have to do with marriage? It creates another whole set of dynamics - things about which you and your spouse may agree or disagree. In short, it may create more conflict.
The very thought of becoming a grandparent sends some people into a tailspin. Some grandparents take the attitude, "I raised my kids, they can raise theirs." Others say, "Don't call me Grandma - I'm not that old."
Research indicates that many children do not have a close relationship with their grandparents.
On the other hand, those grandparents who take their grandchildren seriously, usually have a strong influence on the children.
If you don't yet have grandchildren, now's the time to talk about it. If the two of you get on the same page before the grandchildren are born, you're less likely to have conflicts after they arrive.
If you already have grandchildren and they're coming for a visit, share your concerns with each other before the grandchildren get there. Don't argue in front of them.
Courtesy: Dr Gary Chapman.
What does becoming a grandparent have to do with marriage? It creates another whole set of dynamics - things about which you and your spouse may agree or disagree. In short, it may create more conflict.
The very thought of becoming a grandparent sends some people into a tailspin. Some grandparents take the attitude, "I raised my kids, they can raise theirs." Others say, "Don't call me Grandma - I'm not that old."
Research indicates that many children do not have a close relationship with their grandparents.
On the other hand, those grandparents who take their grandchildren seriously, usually have a strong influence on the children.
If you don't yet have grandchildren, now's the time to talk about it. If the two of you get on the same page before the grandchildren are born, you're less likely to have conflicts after they arrive.
If you already have grandchildren and they're coming for a visit, share your concerns with each other before the grandchildren get there. Don't argue in front of them.
Courtesy: Dr Gary Chapman.
Friday 22 April 2011
Foot Washing.
It is Easter week. This is the time of the year when Christians remember the last week of the life of Jesus. During this week on the Thursday they recall his last meal, a Passover with his disciples. In the course of the evening there is the stunning incident when the Rabbi, in the true spirit of servant-hood, washes the feet of his own followers, including the feet of one who was, by all accounts, the least loveable. And then he instructs them henceforth to wash each other’s feet!
The significance of this incident only dawned on me long after I first read it. On two separate occasions, years apart its power was impressed upon me.
I had been on holiday in Greece with a large group. We had spent a day in Athens during a week in which the city had experienced a heat wave. Our bus back to our camp site was late. So we loitered around in the uncomfortable heat, sweaty, sticky, feet feeling very grubby after a day tramping around the city sites. I meandered over to a fountain and sat on the edge with my ice lolly. And I put my tired plates of meat straight into the water. What an absolutely fantastic feeling, not only of mild coolness but sudden cleanliness. The penny dropped!
Many years later a friend came to visit our home for tea. Six of us enjoyed a good meal. After, with my wife, we switched into bed-time-routine mode with the children and “abandoned” our guest as it was all hands to the pump to get the children organised. By 9 o’clock we had completed the “task” and sauntered down to begin to clear up from tea. Fill the dishwasher, sweep floors, wipe the table, do the pots and pans, clean the cooker. A nightly 9pm routine alas.(We are not that bad really but things can build up, know what I mean?)
To our utter astonishment and sheer delight our guest had done the lot! It was such a fantastic feeling. It is what I call the “dynamic equivalent” of actually washing someone else’s feet. And it brought us such unexpected pleasure. No dishes! A tidy kitchen!
What would happen in a relationship,where things are decidedly cool, not going well at all, if we were to take the initiative and wash the other person’s feet? How might it bring about a climate change? It could be the first step back on the way path from autumn to summer.
Our feelings may be cool and cooling fast. We may be slowly disengaging emotionally from each other. It may have crept up on us in the midst of our partnership as parents with all the ordinary things needing attending to. But love is a choice. It is about attitude. Feet need washing every day. A simple act of the will on a daily basis may be the route into rediscovering love again.
I think it’s called, resurrection.
The significance of this incident only dawned on me long after I first read it. On two separate occasions, years apart its power was impressed upon me.
I had been on holiday in Greece with a large group. We had spent a day in Athens during a week in which the city had experienced a heat wave. Our bus back to our camp site was late. So we loitered around in the uncomfortable heat, sweaty, sticky, feet feeling very grubby after a day tramping around the city sites. I meandered over to a fountain and sat on the edge with my ice lolly. And I put my tired plates of meat straight into the water. What an absolutely fantastic feeling, not only of mild coolness but sudden cleanliness. The penny dropped!
Many years later a friend came to visit our home for tea. Six of us enjoyed a good meal. After, with my wife, we switched into bed-time-routine mode with the children and “abandoned” our guest as it was all hands to the pump to get the children organised. By 9 o’clock we had completed the “task” and sauntered down to begin to clear up from tea. Fill the dishwasher, sweep floors, wipe the table, do the pots and pans, clean the cooker. A nightly 9pm routine alas.(We are not that bad really but things can build up, know what I mean?)
To our utter astonishment and sheer delight our guest had done the lot! It was such a fantastic feeling. It is what I call the “dynamic equivalent” of actually washing someone else’s feet. And it brought us such unexpected pleasure. No dishes! A tidy kitchen!
What would happen in a relationship,where things are decidedly cool, not going well at all, if we were to take the initiative and wash the other person’s feet? How might it bring about a climate change? It could be the first step back on the way path from autumn to summer.
Our feelings may be cool and cooling fast. We may be slowly disengaging emotionally from each other. It may have crept up on us in the midst of our partnership as parents with all the ordinary things needing attending to. But love is a choice. It is about attitude. Feet need washing every day. A simple act of the will on a daily basis may be the route into rediscovering love again.
I think it’s called, resurrection.
Thursday 21 April 2011
Children Forced To Grow Up Too Quickly?
Almost nine out of ten parents think children are being forced to grow up too quickly.
Nearly half of parents are unhappy with programmes or adverts on TV before the 9pm watershed. A survey of over 1000 parents of all backgrounds has revealed that 88 per cent think that children are under pressure to grow up too quickly.
The survey forms part of the independent Bailey Review of Commercialisation and Sexualisation of Childhood, commissioned by the Department to unravel and tackle issues around the premature sexualisation and commercialisation of children.
Celebrity culture, adult style clothes and music videos are all guilty in parents’ eyes of encouraging children to act older than they are.
The survey aimed to find out what parents think and what help they need to manage the pressures on their children. The Bailey Review has also been listening to parents through focus groups and a call for evidence, which received an overwhelming response from parents.
Specific areas of concern are emerging from parents. These include:
• Clothes to be clearly age appropriate and not simply scaled down versions of adult fashion.
• Increasingly sexualised content in music videos and pre-watershed TV with ‘too adult’ themes in some soap operas.
• Pressure to buy non-essential items for their children so they don’t feel left out.
Reg Bailey, Chief Executive of the Mothers Union, is leading an independent review into the Commercialisation and Sexualisation of Childhood. He said: Parents are telling us in no uncertain terms that they are worried about the pressures on children to grow up too quickly. It is clear that their concerns have not been created out of a moral panic but from their everyday experience. They are struggling against the slow creep of an increasingly commercial and sexualised culture and behaviour, which they say prevents them from parenting the way they want.
Nearly half of parents are unhappy with programmes or adverts on TV before the 9pm watershed. A survey of over 1000 parents of all backgrounds has revealed that 88 per cent think that children are under pressure to grow up too quickly.
The survey forms part of the independent Bailey Review of Commercialisation and Sexualisation of Childhood, commissioned by the Department to unravel and tackle issues around the premature sexualisation and commercialisation of children.
Celebrity culture, adult style clothes and music videos are all guilty in parents’ eyes of encouraging children to act older than they are.
The survey aimed to find out what parents think and what help they need to manage the pressures on their children. The Bailey Review has also been listening to parents through focus groups and a call for evidence, which received an overwhelming response from parents.
Specific areas of concern are emerging from parents. These include:
• Clothes to be clearly age appropriate and not simply scaled down versions of adult fashion.
• Increasingly sexualised content in music videos and pre-watershed TV with ‘too adult’ themes in some soap operas.
• Pressure to buy non-essential items for their children so they don’t feel left out.
Reg Bailey, Chief Executive of the Mothers Union, is leading an independent review into the Commercialisation and Sexualisation of Childhood. He said: Parents are telling us in no uncertain terms that they are worried about the pressures on children to grow up too quickly. It is clear that their concerns have not been created out of a moral panic but from their everyday experience. They are struggling against the slow creep of an increasingly commercial and sexualised culture and behaviour, which they say prevents them from parenting the way they want.
Wednesday 20 April 2011
National Childbirth Trust Conference
The NCT (National Childbirth Trust) is holding a Regional Day at Inshes Church, Inverness on Sat 21st May 2011 from 10am – 4pm and we would like to invite you and any colleagues to come along and join us. We are still finalising the programme but so far there will be the opportunity to;
• Hear about Breastfeeding Peer Support in NHS Highland.
• Hear about X plus Y project from Relationship Educator Colm Black.
• Meet NCT practitioners, staff and volunteers.
• Find out about NCT and how the organisation can support your work.
• Meet other agencies and professionals.
The day is free and refreshments and lunch is available.
A full programme will be available soon so please let us know if you would like more information and/or attend. Please contact Barbara – details below or Karen Paterson, Regional Coordinator, NCT Scotland. karen.paterson10@btinternet.com
NCT is here to support parents. Through our courses, branches and helplines, our volunteers and qualified staff give parents accurate, impartial information so that they can decide what’s best for their family. Through us, they can join a support network of other parents nearby, which can be a lifeline in the early years. We are the UK’s leading parenting charity and being independent, we have an influential voice in campaigning and lobbying on the issues that parents care about.
We look forward to hearing from you and hopefully meeting you on 21st May.
Barbara Purdie
Community Development Worker – Scotland
NCT
PO BOX 12575
BO’NESS
EH51 9WX
Tel 07733304341
Email b_purdie@nct.org.uk
• Hear about Breastfeeding Peer Support in NHS Highland.
• Hear about X plus Y project from Relationship Educator Colm Black.
• Meet NCT practitioners, staff and volunteers.
• Find out about NCT and how the organisation can support your work.
• Meet other agencies and professionals.
The day is free and refreshments and lunch is available.
A full programme will be available soon so please let us know if you would like more information and/or attend. Please contact Barbara – details below or Karen Paterson, Regional Coordinator, NCT Scotland. karen.paterson10@btinternet.com
NCT is here to support parents. Through our courses, branches and helplines, our volunteers and qualified staff give parents accurate, impartial information so that they can decide what’s best for their family. Through us, they can join a support network of other parents nearby, which can be a lifeline in the early years. We are the UK’s leading parenting charity and being independent, we have an influential voice in campaigning and lobbying on the issues that parents care about.
We look forward to hearing from you and hopefully meeting you on 21st May.
Barbara Purdie
Community Development Worker – Scotland
NCT
PO BOX 12575
BO’NESS
EH51 9WX
Tel 07733304341
Email b_purdie@nct.org.uk
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