I know I was slow on the uptake at school but even I could suss something wrong. We were taught that the fundamentals were the 3 ‘Rs’. It confused me no end to then find out they were talking about Reading, Writing and Arithmetic. 3 ‘Rs’? One starts with ‘R’ another with ‘W’ and a third with’A.’ My Schonell Spelling book was in danger of being scrapped!
Of course, they were indeed the fundamentals. Essential building blocks for everything else. Nowadays even some celebrity handwriting is being castigated as being illegible, people write very few hand-written letters and as for Maths, we have calculators on our phones, in exams and the till operator at the supermarket is told by the machine exactly what the correct change is.
Fundamentals are important. In the area of relationships some basic behaviours can make a huge difference. So, here are the 3 ‘As.’ 3 simple daily habits which can enhance the flavour of any relationship. Affection. Appreciation. Admiration.
A word, a gesture, a simple act of service. Small things can have a big impact.
Instead of scanning the horizon for our partner’s mistakes perhaps we should try and catch them doing something good and offer encouragement and praise. Build one another up.
Thursday 11 August 2011
Monday 1 August 2011
"You do you, I'll do me"
If you¹re concerned about wasting money because you and your mate spend
almost every night together but maintain your own separate homes, don¹t
sweat it. You¹re simply engaging in America¹s “stay-over relationship” trend.
University of Missouri researcher Tyler Jamison says she noticed that most
of her college friends were ‘shacking up,’ but had not formally moved in
together. Instead, they spent three or more nights together a week and still
kept their own places. She conducted a research study among college students
and found that committed couples in their 20s are redefining dating and
breaking social norms with this new relationship model.
Her study of couples who engage in the stayover lifestyle is published in the
current issue of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
“This seems to be a pretty stable and convenient middle ground between
casual dating and more formal commitments like living together and getting
married,” says Jamison, a University of Missouri doctoral candidate and
researcher in the department of human development and family studies in
Columbia, Mo.
“It¹s a comfortable thing people are doing when they are not totally sure
they want to end up in a permanent situation with a person or don¹t want to
end up living together and having to find another place to live if they are
break or decide who gets the dog."
Jamison believes stay-over relationships represent a general trend that young
people want to delay permanent relationships because they want to finish
their education and pursue other goals. She¹s expanding her research to
examine unmarried parents, and suspects that people of all ages enjoy
stay-over relationships.
“Stay-over is something they can do that doesn¹t have a lot of consequences,
but it has a lot of benefits,” she says.
Until a year ago, Michael Bless Jr., of Auburn Hills, Mich., enjoyed the
benefits of a four-year stay-over relationship. He liked the option of
staying over or staying at home.
“Sometimes, you want your own space, and the next room may not be far
enough,” says the 30-year-old engineering student at Oakland Community
College. “I can love you and be with you almost every night, but there are
times when I want to be alone.”
The couple parted ways when his former girlfriend graduated from the
University of Detroit and took an accounting job in Miami. Wanting to
fulfill his own goals, Bless says, “When she left, my commitment left.”
“That's not surprising”, says Aaron Turpeau, a licensed professional counselor
and relationship expert in Atlanta. “America¹s obsession with independence is
driving these stay-over relationships”, he explains.
“We don¹t want anyone hindering us from doing our thing,” he says. “You hear
people say it all the time: ‘You do you, and I¹ll do me.’ Unfortunately,
this obsession with independence leads to unhealthy human relationships.”
The consequence is people continue living on the fence, never committing one
way or the other, says Turpeau, author of "The Harmonious Way: A Success
Guide Guide to Selecting a Compatible Mate."
“We don¹t value what we don¹t need, and we don¹t love what we don¹t value,”
he says. “I can say I want a relationship, but I don¹t need a relationship.
I want a man, but I don¹t need a man. So we play house; we play marriage and
as soon as we get tired, we go back to our own places.”
Nevertheless, Jamison is not convinced of any long-term consequences of
Stay-over relationships. “Without data, it¹s hard to make a statement about it,” she says. “I doubt it has major implications for later commitments or marriages.”
(Reported in Smart Marriages)
(Actually I think it has huge implications for later marriages)
almost every night together but maintain your own separate homes, don¹t
sweat it. You¹re simply engaging in America¹s “stay-over relationship” trend.
University of Missouri researcher Tyler Jamison says she noticed that most
of her college friends were ‘shacking up,’ but had not formally moved in
together. Instead, they spent three or more nights together a week and still
kept their own places. She conducted a research study among college students
and found that committed couples in their 20s are redefining dating and
breaking social norms with this new relationship model.
Her study of couples who engage in the stayover lifestyle is published in the
current issue of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
“This seems to be a pretty stable and convenient middle ground between
casual dating and more formal commitments like living together and getting
married,” says Jamison, a University of Missouri doctoral candidate and
researcher in the department of human development and family studies in
Columbia, Mo.
“It¹s a comfortable thing people are doing when they are not totally sure
they want to end up in a permanent situation with a person or don¹t want to
end up living together and having to find another place to live if they are
break or decide who gets the dog."
Jamison believes stay-over relationships represent a general trend that young
people want to delay permanent relationships because they want to finish
their education and pursue other goals. She¹s expanding her research to
examine unmarried parents, and suspects that people of all ages enjoy
stay-over relationships.
“Stay-over is something they can do that doesn¹t have a lot of consequences,
but it has a lot of benefits,” she says.
Until a year ago, Michael Bless Jr., of Auburn Hills, Mich., enjoyed the
benefits of a four-year stay-over relationship. He liked the option of
staying over or staying at home.
“Sometimes, you want your own space, and the next room may not be far
enough,” says the 30-year-old engineering student at Oakland Community
College. “I can love you and be with you almost every night, but there are
times when I want to be alone.”
The couple parted ways when his former girlfriend graduated from the
University of Detroit and took an accounting job in Miami. Wanting to
fulfill his own goals, Bless says, “When she left, my commitment left.”
“That's not surprising”, says Aaron Turpeau, a licensed professional counselor
and relationship expert in Atlanta. “America¹s obsession with independence is
driving these stay-over relationships”, he explains.
“We don¹t want anyone hindering us from doing our thing,” he says. “You hear
people say it all the time: ‘You do you, and I¹ll do me.’ Unfortunately,
this obsession with independence leads to unhealthy human relationships.”
The consequence is people continue living on the fence, never committing one
way or the other, says Turpeau, author of "The Harmonious Way: A Success
Guide Guide to Selecting a Compatible Mate."
“We don¹t value what we don¹t need, and we don¹t love what we don¹t value,”
he says. “I can say I want a relationship, but I don¹t need a relationship.
I want a man, but I don¹t need a man. So we play house; we play marriage and
as soon as we get tired, we go back to our own places.”
Nevertheless, Jamison is not convinced of any long-term consequences of
Stay-over relationships. “Without data, it¹s hard to make a statement about it,” she says. “I doubt it has major implications for later commitments or marriages.”
(Reported in Smart Marriages)
(Actually I think it has huge implications for later marriages)
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