William & Kate One Year On.

Like many other couples, I am sure that William and Kate have found themselves thinking, 'Has it been one year already since our wedding?'
Much has been made of that year. ITV are devoting a whole programme to looking back on it and how this young couple, in the most extraordinary of circumstances have coped. Admirably well it seems. They have been described as 'a refreshing and uplifting part of the firm' and Kate gets on very well with her mother-in-law!
 Apart from their connections with 'the firm' they are experiencing much of what other ordinary couples have to contend with. Strange work schedules which mean extended time apart. The ordinariness of home life, the cooking, shopping, sorting that infernal pile of odd socks , washing and so on. 'We haven't got cooks and butlers and cleaners coming out of our ears at home in Anglesey. We cook together. We do the washing up together. We lead a normal life', quotes Tim Ewart in the Radio Times.
 First anniversaries are important. But later ones are more important after the glow of the early days has long faded. (Sometimes however one is apt to forget the date!) One simple key to not forgetting, is to not leave it as a annual occasion. Instead of waiting 12 months make your anniversary a monthly event.
What date was your wedding? Ok, on that date every month plan in a date night. Celebrate not just the
wedding date but your on-going friendship with your spouse. Have fun, eat out, watch a film, play a board game, go to the theater. Enjoy one another regularly beyond the grind, the routine, the shift work, the sometimes down-right hard work of parenting.
There is greater on-going value in the regular monthly date night, than in the once in a while big splash, especially if a couple is struggling in between. And on a daily basis, create a culture of appreciation. A word of encouragement, a compliment, a thank you, a touch. Be intentional about it.

Father & Son. Easter Piece.

He looks
With round face and clear
Dark eyes,
Smiling with a gummy grin.

He rubs his soft cheeks against
Mine and chuckles,
His warm baby-breath
A summer breeze on my face.

He dribbles down his chin,
Reaching imperfectly
With perfect hands
For what he cannot grasp.

‘Kicks his legs
With tomato-soft knees
And baby-burps a sour
Splurge on my shoulder.

Warm and reassuring,
I walk him in my arms
Reciting ‘The Shema’
In his lettuce-like ear.

Oh Judas,
You are such
A lovely baby.

Divorce is Divorce is Divorce.Civil Partnerships Identical Rights as Marriage.

Landmark case enshrines civil partnership as 'identical' to marriage.

Civil partners have “identical” rights to husbands and wives, three senior judges established yesterday as they settled the first multi-million pound homosexual split to come before the courts.

Don Gallagher, a West End actor, saw his £1.7 million “divorce” settlement from Peter Lawrence, a wealthy City analyst, reduced by almost £300,000 at the Court of Appeal. But the performer, who starred in the musical of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, walked away with an overall package worth almost £1.5 million, more than twice what his former partner had originally proposed.

The couple separated in 2008 after an 11-year relationship, which had been formalised as a civil partnership. Most of their income came from Mr Lawrence’s earnings as an analyst at J P Morgan, while Mr Gallagher combined his acting work with a “home making” role, the court heard. They shared a flat in London’s Docklands and a cottage in Sussex which Mr Gallagher furnished and describes as his “pride and joy”. He now lives there while Mr Lawrence kept the London flat after they separated.

But the dispute hinged on the fact that Mr Lawrence owned the London flat before the couple met. He initially proposed giving his former partner just 15 per cent of their £4 million joint assets. But a judge awarded Mr Gallagher almost half - or £1.7 million - including the cottage, a pension pot and a lump sum of almost £580,000. Yesterday, after an appeal by Mr Lawrence, the lump sum was reduced to give greater weight to the original value of the London flat.

Lord Justice Thorpe, sitting with Lord Justice Moses and Mr Justice Ryder, said there had been "no rationality" to the higher lump sum. Acknowledging that the case was a legal first, he made clear that the same principles should apply as in a heterosexual divorce. “This is said to be the first substantial appeal concerning financial orders made following the dissolution of a civil partnership," he said. "The fact that the claim arises from the dissolution of a civil partnership rather than a marriage is of little moment since it is common ground that the language of … the Civil Partnership Act 2004 is identical to the language of … the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973.”

Jonathan West, head of family law at the legal firm Prolegal, said: “This is a useful case particularly when considering the recent proposals to allow gay marriage. It should serve as a salutary lesson that anyone considering a civil partnership or gay marriage must understand what they are getting into … there should be no discrimination on grounds of sexual orientation and this case enshrines that principle.”

But Mr Gallagher’s lawyer, James Ferguson, of Boodle Hatfield, said: “Although the Court of Appeal made it clear that civil partnership dissolution cases should be treated in exactly the same way as divorces, it is questionable whether the outcome would have been the same if the facts had been transposed to an 11.7 year heterosexual marriage.”

Mr Gallagher added: “I am saddened by this case. Peter and I had spent more than 11 happy years together and achieved a great deal. It has been difficult on me and my family as I have had to borrow money to survive and to finance this court action.”

An Easter Thought For Couples.

It is Easter week. This is the time of the year when Christians remember the last week of the life of Jesus. During this week on the Thursday they recall his last meal, a Passover with his disciples. In the course of the evening there is the stunning incident when the Rabbi, in the true spirit of servant-hood, when none of the others present will condescend to what ought to be done, washes the feet of his own followers, including those of one who was, by all accounts, the least loveable. And then he instructs them henceforth to wash each other’s feet.

The significance of this incident only really impacted on me long after I first read it. On two separate occasions, years apart its power was impressed upon me.

I had been on holiday in Greece with a large group. We had spent a day in Athens during a week in which the city had experienced a heat wave. Our bus back to our camp site was late. So we loitered around in the uncomfortable heat, sweaty, sticky, feet feeling very grubby after a day tramping around the city sites. I meandered over to a fountain and sat on the edge with my ice lolly. And I put my tired plates of meat straight into the water. What an absolutely fantastic feeling, not only of mild coolness but sudden cleanliness. The penny dropped!

Many years later a friend came to visit our home for tea. Six of us enjoyed a good meal. After, with my wife, we switched into bed-time-routine mode with the children and “abandoned” our guest, as it was all hands to the pump to get the children organised. By 9 o’clock we had completed the “task” and sauntered down to begin to clear up from tea, fill the dishwasher, sweep floors, wipe the table, do the pots and pans, clean the cooker. A nightly 9pm routine alas.(We are not that bad really but things can build up, know what I mean?)

To our utter astonishment and sheer delight our guest had done the lot! It was such a fantastic feeling. It is what I call the “dynamic equivalent” of actually washing someone else’s feet. And it brought us such unexpected, undeserved pleasure. No dishes! A tidy kitchen!

What would happen in a relationship,where things are decidedly cool, not going well at all, if we were to take the initiative and wash the other person’s feet? It could be the first step back from autumn or winter to summer. What would happen if one person adopted the servant attitude, in a 21st century version of foot-washing? How might it bring about a climate change in the relationship?

Our feelings may be cool and cooling fast. We may be slowly disengaging emotionally from each other. It may have crept up on us in the midst of our partnership as parents with all the ordinary things needing attending to. But love is a choice. It is about attitude. Feet need washing every day. A simple act of the will on a daily basis may be the route into rediscovering love again.

I think it’s called, Resurrection.

And more so. This is a lesson not just for when things are not good. Couples whose relationship is going well need to continue to attend to those inventive acts of service which can keep it on track.

Happy Easter.