Speaking of family, how much does it mean that your dad was here to celebrate this monumental victory with you?
RORY McILROY: Yeah, he's been a big help to me all week, just having breakfast with him. I feel like with my dad I can share things with him that maybe I couldn't do with a friend or something like that. So just to sit with him and talk about how I'm feeling and how I'm going to approach the day, he's always so positive. So to have those positive thoughts in your head from him, it's nice to go out on the golf course and think about what he said. He's been a huge help to me, not just this week, obviously, but my entire life. If it wasn't for my mom and dad sacrificing so much, I probably wouldn't be sitting up here right now.
Q. Along those lines, what did you say to each other when you first saw him afterwards? Was the first time you saw him during the round before you tapped in at 18?
RORY McILROY: Yeah, I was looking for him. I knew he was going to be somewhere close after I hit my second shot and was walking down the 18th fairway, I was looking for him over on the left side somewhere. I just spotted him before I hit my first putt. And then when I put it up to whatever it was, a foot or whatever, I looked to him and gave him a little smile, a little grin. I think I might have said Happy Father's Day, I think that might have been the first thing. But, yeah, he's obviously going to be proud of me and everything. It's just great to have him here.
Monday 20 June 2011
Thursday 16 June 2011
Father's Day.
How will your child know that you love them?
By what you say? By what you do, constantly showering them, like a "Disney-Dad" with wild experiences and gifts?
Yes indeed, catch them doing something good and praise them. Tell them you love them, regularly. By all means sometimes it is worth us doing the all-singing all-dancing things. Buy your children experiences and memories.
But being Dad is more often than not about something very simple. Availability and accessibility. Time and engagement in the very ordinary every day things. And small gestures which communicate pride and acceptance.
"He loves me, he loves me not, he .........."
I have been remembering you
More often these days.
The warmth of your
Gentle hand-shake.
Your mild-mannerdness,
Integrity,
And the wide respect
You enjoyed.
Your quiet presence
In our home kitchen.
Watching you in your vest
With mirror, brush and razor,
Shaving in the early morning scullery.
Mountains of toast
And porridge for seven mouths.
But this, mostly.
You placing my picture
Twice
In the Coleraine Chronicle
For achievements.
By what you say? By what you do, constantly showering them, like a "Disney-Dad" with wild experiences and gifts?
Yes indeed, catch them doing something good and praise them. Tell them you love them, regularly. By all means sometimes it is worth us doing the all-singing all-dancing things. Buy your children experiences and memories.
But being Dad is more often than not about something very simple. Availability and accessibility. Time and engagement in the very ordinary every day things. And small gestures which communicate pride and acceptance.
"He loves me, he loves me not, he .........."
I have been remembering you
More often these days.
The warmth of your
Gentle hand-shake.
Your mild-mannerdness,
Integrity,
And the wide respect
You enjoyed.
Your quiet presence
In our home kitchen.
Watching you in your vest
With mirror, brush and razor,
Shaving in the early morning scullery.
Mountains of toast
And porridge for seven mouths.
But this, mostly.
You placing my picture
Twice
In the Coleraine Chronicle
For achievements.
Tuesday 14 June 2011
Fatherhood. Defining Experiences.
Raymond Carver – the American short story writer and poet published a book in 1985 called “Fires”. It is a collection of essays and poems. Included in the book is a wonderful and moving essay called, “My Father’s Life” and a poem entitled, “Photograph Of My Father In His Twenty Second Year.” He says, “The poem was a way of trying to connect with him” long after he had died.
Trying to connect with your father. For me there have been many connections with my own father. Many of them are connections made after his death. Sigmund Freud called the death of his father, “The most poignant loss of his life.” Sean Connery called it, “A shattering blow.” For me, it was not unexpected and I had been mentally preparing for it for some years, as I knew the day would eventually come. Neil Chethik, in his book, “Fatherloss. How Sons Of All Ages Come To Terms With The Deaths Of Their Dads”, says, “With the death of his Father, each man seems to experience a significant reordering of his inner landscape.” The last ten years have been a reordering of my inner landscape since my father’s passing. Reflecting. Processing. He still moves me.
The other experience which has precipitated reflection has been that of becoming a dad. Raymond Carver said of his own life, ”The biggest single influence on my writing, directly and indirectly, has been my two children. They were born before I was twenty and from beginning to end – some nineteen years in all – there wasn’t any area of my life where their heavy and often baleful influence didn’t reach.” There is no question about it. Children change your life and in ways you may not or could not have imagined. And not always as negatively as Carver experienced. But there were other pressures in his life at that time, specifically, not much money, cramped living space, both partners trying to work part-time and him trying to make it as a writer.
Fatherloss and Parenthood - defining experiences. How much would dad have enjoyed my children? From father to father what would he have said to me?
“Not just any Dad will do,” says John Gottman. “Children’s lives are greatly enhanced by fathers who are emotionally present and validating and able to offer comfort in times of distress.” The continuing challenge is to be available and accessible.
From A Photograph of My Father As Young Man.
When they said,
Perhaps months or
A few weeks at the most,
I saw him again, as a young man
With a broad smile.
In love with life
And stepping out with friends
On O’Connell Street,
Coming from Lansdowne Road.
His open raincoat behaving with
Unruly exuberance
In the January wind.
Trying to connect with your father. For me there have been many connections with my own father. Many of them are connections made after his death. Sigmund Freud called the death of his father, “The most poignant loss of his life.” Sean Connery called it, “A shattering blow.” For me, it was not unexpected and I had been mentally preparing for it for some years, as I knew the day would eventually come. Neil Chethik, in his book, “Fatherloss. How Sons Of All Ages Come To Terms With The Deaths Of Their Dads”, says, “With the death of his Father, each man seems to experience a significant reordering of his inner landscape.” The last ten years have been a reordering of my inner landscape since my father’s passing. Reflecting. Processing. He still moves me.
The other experience which has precipitated reflection has been that of becoming a dad. Raymond Carver said of his own life, ”The biggest single influence on my writing, directly and indirectly, has been my two children. They were born before I was twenty and from beginning to end – some nineteen years in all – there wasn’t any area of my life where their heavy and often baleful influence didn’t reach.” There is no question about it. Children change your life and in ways you may not or could not have imagined. And not always as negatively as Carver experienced. But there were other pressures in his life at that time, specifically, not much money, cramped living space, both partners trying to work part-time and him trying to make it as a writer.
Fatherloss and Parenthood - defining experiences. How much would dad have enjoyed my children? From father to father what would he have said to me?
“Not just any Dad will do,” says John Gottman. “Children’s lives are greatly enhanced by fathers who are emotionally present and validating and able to offer comfort in times of distress.” The continuing challenge is to be available and accessible.
From A Photograph of My Father As Young Man.
When they said,
Perhaps months or
A few weeks at the most,
I saw him again, as a young man
With a broad smile.
In love with life
And stepping out with friends
On O’Connell Street,
Coming from Lansdowne Road.
His open raincoat behaving with
Unruly exuberance
In the January wind.
Monday 13 June 2011
What My Father Told Me.
My Father told me he was pleased at some of my accomplishments.
My Father told me, "Always keep the family together and make sure you spend time with your children."
My Father said, "Be honest in what you do and that will stand you in good stead no matter what you do in life."
My Father said, "It's ok son. We all make mistakes in life."
The most important words from my Father? "Son you are a Bachelor Boy and that's the way to stay. Son you be a Bachelor Boy until your dying day."
What my Father said was, "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again. He was lost and is found." Boy did we celebrate!
My Father told me, "Always keep the family together and make sure you spend time with your children."
My Father said, "Be honest in what you do and that will stand you in good stead no matter what you do in life."
My Father said, "It's ok son. We all make mistakes in life."
The most important words from my Father? "Son you are a Bachelor Boy and that's the way to stay. Son you be a Bachelor Boy until your dying day."
What my Father said was, "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again. He was lost and is found." Boy did we celebrate!
Tuesday 7 June 2011
Comments From Mars. Comments From Venus..
Recent comments from an evening session of "Love Well-Live Well" with 15 couples.
From Mars.
Having been to “Love Well-Live Well.”I am excited about the prospect of getting married.
I felt just ok about the prospect of coming to an evening for couples. Now at the end I am going away motivated about my marriage.
We have been married for 28 years. This evening has affirmed us and encouraged us.
“Love Well-Live Well” has given me a feeling of reconnecting with my partner.
From Venus.
After 7 years of marriage this evening has given us food for thought about our relationship.
I was intrigued about coming on an evening for couples, having been married for 26 years. I feel motivated about our marriage having been here.
Many thanks. Much of tonight was about things we already knew but needed reminding of.
I found this evening very informative. After 10 years of being together, it was good to be reminded of some of the basics of marriage.
It was great to recognise how far we have come as a couple and to realise there are things to work on. The practical exercises were really useful and interesting.
Love Well-Live Well. An evening for couples.
From Mars.
Having been to “Love Well-Live Well.”I am excited about the prospect of getting married.
I felt just ok about the prospect of coming to an evening for couples. Now at the end I am going away motivated about my marriage.
We have been married for 28 years. This evening has affirmed us and encouraged us.
“Love Well-Live Well” has given me a feeling of reconnecting with my partner.
From Venus.
After 7 years of marriage this evening has given us food for thought about our relationship.
I was intrigued about coming on an evening for couples, having been married for 26 years. I feel motivated about our marriage having been here.
Many thanks. Much of tonight was about things we already knew but needed reminding of.
I found this evening very informative. After 10 years of being together, it was good to be reminded of some of the basics of marriage.
It was great to recognise how far we have come as a couple and to realise there are things to work on. The practical exercises were really useful and interesting.
Love Well-Live Well. An evening for couples.
Thursday 2 June 2011
On The Road With "X plus Y."
Heading for East Kilbride this weekend to Calderwood Baptist Church. A busy programme.
"Love Well. Live Well" for 15 couples - Friday evening.
Dads & Grandads Breakfast - Saturday morning.
Parent's Chat - Saturday Afternoon.
Talking about Mentoring - Saturday evening.
Preaching - Sunday morning.
Toddler Group Monday morning - "Letssticktogether."
It's a weekend package with a menu of options. Ideal for any Church weekend.
"Love Well. Live Well" for 15 couples - Friday evening.
Dads & Grandads Breakfast - Saturday morning.
Parent's Chat - Saturday Afternoon.
Talking about Mentoring - Saturday evening.
Preaching - Sunday morning.
Toddler Group Monday morning - "Letssticktogether."
It's a weekend package with a menu of options. Ideal for any Church weekend.
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.
I love the Elton John song, “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.” It is the wee man from Watford at his very best. It can indeed be a hard word to utter because it involves admitting wrong-doing and our pride gets in the way of that. But sometimes even if it is uttered we may not really feel that it is genuine. The Queen in Ireland recently, acknowledged the wrongs and mistakes of the past. Genuine apology? For many, yes, because the very act of saying sorry is enough. For others some sort of recompense is necessary for an apology to be sufficient.
This has been starkly highlighted by events in Australia recently. “Another year. Another Reconciliation Week and National Sorry Day” says Karen Ashford (www.sbs.com.au) “ For many Aboriginal people it’s an increasingly hollow gesture. They want compensation for their forced removal from their families. But the refusal of multiple Governments to establish compensations schemes means they are sceptical that when the Government says they are sorry they really mean it.”
In the sphere of family and other relationships our desire for restitution is almost always based upon our need for love. After being hurt deeply we need the reassurance that the person who hurt us still loves and cares for us. So words alone, for some people are not enough. The effort to make restitution indicates that the apology is more than just empty, easy-to-trip-off-the -tongue words.
For many, the Aboriginies included, the words need to be backed up by deeds to indicate that they are truly genuine. Then the relationship can move forward again with trust slowly being rebuilt.
This has been starkly highlighted by events in Australia recently. “Another year. Another Reconciliation Week and National Sorry Day” says Karen Ashford (www.sbs.com.au) “ For many Aboriginal people it’s an increasingly hollow gesture. They want compensation for their forced removal from their families. But the refusal of multiple Governments to establish compensations schemes means they are sceptical that when the Government says they are sorry they really mean it.”
In the sphere of family and other relationships our desire for restitution is almost always based upon our need for love. After being hurt deeply we need the reassurance that the person who hurt us still loves and cares for us. So words alone, for some people are not enough. The effort to make restitution indicates that the apology is more than just empty, easy-to-trip-off-the -tongue words.
For many, the Aboriginies included, the words need to be backed up by deeds to indicate that they are truly genuine. Then the relationship can move forward again with trust slowly being rebuilt.
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