I
was at a three year old’s party on Friday! It was noisy, excitable and great
fun! There was decidedly “pink” theme including all the wrapping paper, the
cakes and pretty well everything else! I can’t quite believe that it’s three
years already since she was born – how time flies! Then I caught myself
remarking to a young Mum how quickly they grow, and how soon they’ll be “off
your hands” – implying a sense of relief.
All of which is a bit of a rambling introduction to the subject of
the “Boomerang generation”.
Several reports
over the summer alluded to the fact that with the rising costs of living, and
the limited availability of affordable housing, more and more twenty-somethings
are electing to move back into home. The general implication of the various
articles seems to be either that this is a feckless generation unwilling to make
their way in the world, or a generation unwilling to move beyond adolescence and
“grow up”.
I’m not sure I buy either idea! My observation is that firstly young
people (I’m talking the 20-30’s mainly here) are neither lazy nor permanently
stuck in adolescence – they yearn to be able to make their way in an
increasingly competitive world, but they work to a different set of norms and
expectations – and sometimes that can lead to real stresses and clashes.
So what is our role as the “older generation” in this? Well, as they
grew up, we saw our role as parents as being to give the children ‘roots and
wings’ - a place of security and
safely (the roots) from which they could gain the strength and confidence to
learn to fly (wings). And to an extent a corollary of this role was the analogy
of the mother eagle – eagles it seems push their young out of the nest when they
(the parents) decide they should be ready – but (and this is they key part), the
mother Eagle will fly below the youngsters as they tumble through the air
desperately trying to master the art of flying, and will catch them on her back
before they dash themselves on the rocks below, carrying them back to the nest
to try again.
As parents of three youngsters who have flown, we are still very
aware that the day may yet come when, to save them from impending rocks, we need
to be ready with a saving catch – or to open the door to welcome a returning
“Boomerang”. To us it remains a critical element of our responsibility to the
family we created – to be available, solid and dependable, as a place of refuge
for our “children”.
So far, whilst we have been a warehouse for large quantities of
belongings, we haven’t had any back to live – but they know that should they
need to return, our door will be open.
Inter-generational care is at the heart of what it means to be
family. And if the generations are to care for each other, there needs to be a
structure to the family that will enable it – it takes both Liz and I to open
the door to the home – and were we dislocated it would be a whole lot harder.
Which home would they return to, which parent carries the extra financial
responsibility? And what would our separate paths say about our “joint and
several” commitment to the project that was “our family”?
That’s why the strength of bonds, and the structure, that marriage
creates lies at the core of being a strong inter-generational family which has
the resilience to catch the odd boomerang! And it seems it’s needed more, not
less, by this current generation!
Dave Percival www.2-in-2-1.co.uk
