A Timely Lesson From the Thenardiers.

 

My children love the songs and the story. And having seen it on stage and screen 'Les Miserables' is one of my favourites. Is there a bad song in it? Though I have to say, the stage perfomance has better singing whilst the film has better acting principally because you are closer to the characters and see every nuance.

So when an old two volume copy of the story arrived in our house I felt inspired to buck the trend and read the actual story by Victor Hogo. (Publ. 1862) It is definitely no sprint! Beautifully written, sometimes dense yet often compelling. I was struck by the section describing the Thenardier marriage.

Particularly, the description of the wife's attitude to her husband. Of Mrs Thenardier, who is described as ' a mountain of noise and flesh moving under the little finger of the frail despot', (her husband) it is said, "The husband was to his wife, though she did not know it, a species of peculiar and sovreign being ( Master of the House!). However much she might dissent from 'Monsieur Thenardier' she would never have proved him publicly in the wrong for any consideration. She would never have commited 'in the presence of strangers' that fault which wives so often commit, and which is called in parliamentary language 'exposing the crown'.

In modern parlance I think he means slander, put downs, public criticism. A habit most definitley not confined to women! Putting your partner down privately or publicly is devestating to any relationship. This is where one partner treats the others ideas, insights and suggestions with disrespect, disdain and at the extreme end of things, contempt. Contempt is sulphuric acid on a relaltionship.

Sometimes put downs come with humour, little jokes and barbed comments which make others laugh when you are out in company. It makes you feel great about your humour and yourself, others may laugh and think you are the heart and soul of things, while your partner quietly cringes and tries to laugh it off but is inwardly crushed. Words have the power to wound or heal.

Mrs Tenardier probably would not dare to speak thus against her 'frail despot' of a husband, out of fear. Fear is not how it should be. Respect and appreciation should be the dominating attitudes in a relationship. We need to be very careful with words and humour.

How much better if we sought for ways and opportunities to build each other up privately and praise one another in the presence of others.