Trust. Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

Science now tells us that trust grows from how each of us treats our partners. In each situation when our needs compete with those of our partner’s, no matter how small or large, we each chose to act in our self-interest or in the interest of our partner. Trust springs from the choice to take care of our partner at our own expense.

For example, you come home after a stressful day and want to connect. But your partner had an equally hard day. You say, “Wow, what a hard day I’ve had.” By saying that, you make a bid for your partner’s attention and connection. Trust builds when your partner decides not to counter your bid, but instead, accepts your needs at his or her expense. You might hear “I did too, but tell me what happened in your day. You seem so stressed.” When this pattern happens over and over, each of you giving to the other at your own expense, trust builds.

Wise words in 'Psychology Today' from Kevin D. Arnold, Ph.D., A.B.P.P., the Director of the Center for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy of Greater Columbus and a Clinical Faculty member in the Dept. of Psychiatry at OSU and based on the work of Dr.John Gottman who recently published 'The Science Of Trust.'

And yet I think I have heard this before in the quotation from the 2000 year old religious text called The Bible, where, in his letter to the Church at Philippi, Paul says to the congregation, in chapter 2 verses 1-11 'Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interest but also to the inrterests of others.'

Such a selfless attitude could transform many a situation in marriage, home and work.  Great to know that Faith and Science complement each other and need not be foes.