Father File: The Pregnancy.

In the bar after the game, a friend, with great joy, told me that his wife of a year was now pregnant. We celebrated – he had a beer and I, being teetotal, had a mug of tea and some sandwiches. Many years later and far from there, I too found out that I was going to be a dad as my wife of less than a year was expecting. There was no beer, no mug of tea and sandwiches but deep down I felt like laughing. Thereafter there was a large quantity of Opel Fruits and Oranges consumed by my wife in that phase where there are strange cravings. Alas also, my wife had lots of sickness, which made me greatly appreciate the blessings of being a man. Occasional and debilitating man-flu is enough for me!
It struck me that there are so many things over which we have no control: you never know if you will be successful in conceiving in the first place: then you have no idea how your wife’s body will react: you don’t know if the pregnancy will go full term: you have no control over the sex of the child. Science and scientific knowledge is fantastic and we can live with the impression as human beings that we have it all sussed. But we don’t really. We are not total masters. Pregnancy and birth is one of those reality checks. We can do our best to increase the chances of success but we are not ultimately in control. It reminds us that there is still mystery and it ought to keep us humble.
Then came the books. I read none but digested them second hand late at night as my wife paraphrased them out loud while I tried desperately to listen to Radio 5 LIve at the same time. The birth facts were fascinating. The information very, very interesting
Equally mysterious, the scan. At 14 weeks exactly there is a small child in the womb, with its head moving, its hand reaching out and its wee legs bent underneath. An amazing sight, perfectly formed. The Irish poet, Paul Muldoon described an early black and white sonogram of his child in the womb as resembling nothing so much as a satellite map of Ireland, whereas a few weeks later it was so well defined he could see everything. Remarkable.
During those days I did not really know what to expect in the coming months. People can tell you about it up to a point. But nothing can adequately prepare you for the actual experience except for this – it would have been nice to have talked with other new fathers.