Buying Shoes

For a number of weeks I had been eyeing up a particular pair of shoes in the shop window. I finally persuaded my mum to give me the money to buy them, so off I set with high expectations. My friend worked as an assistant in the shop and he served me. “Can I try on that pair of brown shoes in the window please?” He brought them over. My excitement was very quickly tempered as I realised they were too small. There was no way I could get by with them. Seeing my acute disappointment he said, “Let me see if I have a size up from these in the store.” Off he went as I sat hopefully waiting. He returned with another pair and said, “Here, try these.” Having slipped them on and done a circuit of the shop I said in my delight, “Great, these are fine.” At which point he laughed out loud. “That is the same pair of shoes”, he said, “I just went round the corner and stood there for five minutes. I haven’t been to the store room!” He eventually went on from that shop to a job with a large shoe company, and I, every time I enter a shoe shop, have become much more careful!

It makes perfect sense to try on a pair of shoes before purchasing them. And this reflects some people’s attitude to marriage. “If it makes sense to try a pair of shoes before you purchase, than we are going to move in together before marriage to see if we are compatible. We are going to give it a trial run.” Perfectly sensible logic except that it is flawed.

With the high break-up rate of marriage it is not hard to understand why people think they should take every step possible in order to be sure their relationship will last. However, Scott Stanley of the University of Denver says there is no research evidence anywhere which indicates that living together before marriage increases the possibility of the marriage being a success. In fact the opposite is true. The risk of break-up increases. Couples who live together before marriage are fifty percent more likely to break up than those who remain apart before the wedding. “But we are in the 50%” who won’t break up” some might say. Well, how can you be so sure? It is a big risk.

You can’t practice permanence. Marriage requires full commitment. “If the shoe fits, wear it!” might be true for your feet but not your relationship.