The Perfect Storm.

"Conditions are steadily heading for the perfect storm around marriage and family life." according to Professor Scott Stanley from the University of Denver, Center For Marital and Family Studies. Speaking about serial relationships, particularly cohabitation he says,

"A newborn child forms an emotional attachment to key adults in its life - it learns to love,trust and feel secure in their presence. Then suddenly one, usually the father, disappears and the child feels abandoned and deeply fearful. Just as suddenly another male may appear - and to start with is a source of fear and threat. Slowly the child learns to trust and feel secure again - only for the cycle to be repeated. We know that every cycle washes the babies brain with cortisol - the chemical associated with fear and abandonment - and permanently alters the brain development ans structure leaving the child less able to form loving adult relationships and more prone to anger and violence."

In thinking about how relationships are formed Professor Stanley says,"In abandoning the clearly defined process that used to lead through courtship and marriage we have left the next generation without a map in dangerous territory. People today slide through stages of becoming a couple or family without making clear decisions and end up locked into relationships that on or both don't value. Once the pressure get too great (like after the birth of a child) they simply cannot cope."

The challenge for those who work with families and couples is that of helping them to manage their relationships in order to work towards stability. It is something which is increasingly difficult to do because many have already slid into a partnership without the benefit of mutual clarity regarding commitment and the future of their arrangement.Difficult but not impossible.

Relationship education is about sharing the skills and strategies which can help couples build those long and lasting relationships.