Leaping To Propose.

It’s February 29th. A leap year and the traditional opportunity for a woman to propose to a man. ‘And why not?’ as Barry Norman used to say, But why leave it to a leap year?

A proposal, does it matter? Does it mean anything? Does itn really matter who does the proposing? The most important point about a marriage proposal is that it is a clear declaration of intent. It indicates a willingness to commit long term to a relationship. When it is accepted, there is mutual intention and clarity about the direction of the relationship from engagement, perhaps living together, to the permanence and security of marriage. It is, as one woman has said, “A way of cementing our relationship.”

Commitment secures attachment. And that matters crucially. Then the really hard but worthwhile challenge of living together as a married couple begins.

Clarity of intent is so important. And the key word here is 'mutual'. As Scott Stanley of the Marital and Family Studies Centre in Denver says, “Mutual decision making reduces risk in a relationship because you are both on the same page. Mutual decision making and commitment lead to resilience in a relationship. An imbalance or ambiguity leads to vulnerability. No relationship is doomed to failure but the crucial point is that without mutuality in clearly deciding the road ahead, the level of vulnerability and risk goes sky-high.”

Some are afraid of that decision making. Marriage does not have a good public press. Perhaps a marriage did not work out before so they do not want to go there again. And yet most marriages succeed and marriage is still the most secure relationship form for couples and children.

Or some people prefer to keep their options open, cohabiting or sliding in and out of various live-in arrangements. Such ambiguity actually works against the very thing which people want - a stable secure relationship. It can make a relationship which is not great keep moving in the direction of even more not-greatness.

So. February 29th - an opportunity? In the words of The Proclaimers,

"We've been going too long to be vague
When there's something to say
If it's not now, then it's never
So I'll say it straight out
'Cos I have no doubt, no doubt

Let's get married
I love you and I want to stay with you
Let's get married...."