Is it possible to love someone whom you hate?
My wife and I have often reflected on the early days of our marriage when both of us experienced feelings of hate. Our condemning words to each other had stimulated hurt, and on the heels of hurt, anger. Anger held inside becomes hate. What made the difference for us? We both agree it was the choice to love.
We had realized that if we continued our pattern of demanding and condemning we would destroy our marriage. Fortunately over a period of about a year, we learned how to discuss our differences without condemning each other, how to make decisions without destroying our unity, and how to give constructive suggestions without being demanding.
What made all of this possible? Basically it was learning how to speak each others' primary love language.
Our choice to love was made in the midst of negative feelings toward each other.
When we stated speaking each other's primary love language, the negative feelings of anger and hate abated. Yes, you can love someone whom you are presently hating.
Dr Gary Chapman. "The 5 Love Languages."
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