Weddings Are Easy. Marriages Are Difficult.

Last week on Radio Scotland there was a discussion about the debt people find themselves in, when it comes to paying for their wedding. At a recent Wedding Fayre, the idea of preparing for your marriage elicited laughter amongst some of the public who came to plan their wedding. Amongst others it was a complete novelty for them to meet someone actually interested in promoting preparatioin for life beyond the big day. In retrospect, being at a Wedding Fayre to promote Marriage preparation (the very place you think it would be worth being) is a complete waste of time and money.The prophetic words of Eugene Peterson, written in 1983 come to mind.

“When I talk with people who come to me in preparation for marriage I often say, Weddings are easy, marriages are difficult.” The couple want to plan a wedding, I want to plan a marriage. They want to know where the bridesmaids will stand, I want to develop a plan for forgiveness. They want to discuss the music of the wedding, I want to talk about the emotions of the marriage. I can do a wedding in twenty minutes with my eyes shut. But a marriage takes year after year if alert wide-eyed attention.
Weddings are important. They are beautiful, they are impressive, they are emotional. Sometimes they are expensive. We weep at weddings and laugh at weddings. We take care to be at the right place at the right time and say the right words. Where people stand is important. The way people dress is significant. Every detail, this flower, that candle, is memorable. All the same, weddings are easy.
But marriages are complex and difficult. In marriage we work out in every detail of life the promises and commitments spoken at the wedding. In marriage we develop the long and rich life of faithful love that the wedding announces. The event of the wedding without the life of the marriage doesn’t amount to much. It hardly matters if the man and the woman dress up in their wedding clothes and re-enact the ceremony every anniversary and say, “I’m married, I’m married, I’m married” if there is no daily love shared, if there is no continuing tenderness, no attentive listening, no inventive giving, no creative blessing.” (Eugene Peterson "The Quest" Used by permission.)