Recently I was a guest at the celebration of a 30 year old marriage! The couple had invited family and some close friends to mark their 30th year as husband and wife. Like every other marriage it has been a life of ups and downs, joy and pain but their love and commitment to each other is deeper than it was at the start, in the heady days of romantic love.
Should this surprise us in a day and age when so many relationships are short term? It has been built on strong friendship, commitment before friends and God, and hard work at times. But also the recognition that the priority in the home has been their relationship. They have watched carefully over their friendship. Their love has deepened so that now, with the children up and away they have a vibrant, strong and enjoyable relationship. Their marriage is richer, deeper, fuller. It has not diminished with time. Like good wine it is continuing to mature and get better. It is in remarkable contrast to the story I heard of the couple divorcing in their seventies, with the wife saying she has been miserable for the last thirty years.
Speaking of the Biblical prophet, Jeremiah, Eugene Peterson says,”Some people as they grow (in age)become less. As children they have glorious ideas of who they are and what life has for them. Thirty years later we find they have settled for something grubby and inane. Other people as they grow become more. Life is not an inevitable decline into dullness; for some it is an ascent into excellence.” The same can be true of marriage. It can be an ascent into excellence and not an inevitable decline into dullness.
Neil Chethik who interviewed over 300 men for his book, “VoiceMale”, says, “Looking over many conversations with empty-nest husbands I was struck by how intentional the happiest couples are about investing in their relationship. By the time couples reach the twenty year mark............they realise that resting on their laurels, allowing momentum to carry them is not enough. If they want to remain happily married, they have to continue to invest in their relationship.“
It was Groucho Marx who said, “Marriage is a great institution. But who wants to live in an institution!” That sort of humorous cynicism reflects many people’s opinion. But there is no reason why a marriage cannot be like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter ‘til the full light of day. Many can bear testimony to it being so. Richer, deeper, fuller. More, not less.
Eugene Peterson, “The Quest” Used by permission Zondervan www.zondervan.com
Neil Chethik “VoiceMale” Publ Simon & Schuster
No comments:
Post a Comment