All I Want For Christmas.

All I want for Christmas is….?

Those with long memories will recall that the answer to this question, according to the music-hall song at least, is “my two front teef!!”. But not any more it seems. The number one answer according to a poll this Christmas  (2012)was a baby brother/sister, and the number ten answer, perhaps even more worryingly, is “a Dad!”.

The poll was conducted among parents rather than the kids themselves so is probably a blend of their views and their children’s. It is worrying at two levels. The first is that having a baby brother/sister is regarded as something of a consumer choice. We have long had campaigns telling us “a dog is for life, not just for Christmas” – an illustration that people need to recognise the responsibilities of pet ownership. How much more true is this of “child ownership”.  The decision to have a child should be one prefaced by clear recognition that the un-conceived child has a right to be nurtured and protected by the two parents who brought it into being. The decision to create a child without first committing publicly, before witnesses, to stick together as a couple in the task is a tragic flaunting of the rights of the child.

The fact that that “a Dad” was the number ten answer is a stunning reflection of the wisdom of kids, and the sadness that the breakdown of families brings – kids know they are missing a vital piece of life, and they long for their Dad! Of course not every relationship is going to survive, but the fact is that the chances of a child continuing to have a meaningful relationship with its father are dramatically higher if the parents were married – they made a commitment, and even when they can’t see it through, they recognise their joint responsibilities in some way.

Ask most of the Dads whose partner is expecting and they will tell you they would do anything for their future son/daughter – and you see it in their eyes too as they hold the fragile infant tenderly, nervously, in their hands for the first time. My challenge to them is “if you’ll do anything as you say, then marry their mum, and make it work!”.

Amidst all the hype and venting that will doubtless accompany the discussion on marriage, and in particular “Equal Marriage” this year, let’s not forget that the fundamental right of the unborn generation is to be raised by their two natural parents who are truly committed both to each other, and to the child. We have a legal structure for it – it’s called marriage.

As we face into 2013, let’s remember that in working for marriage we are not doing it for some fluffy Hollywood notion of “happy ever after” – we are doing it for the next generation of kids, so they won’t be left wishing they could have a Dad for Christmas.

 

Dave Percival 2-in-2-1.co.uk

Strauss. Music to Remember Dad.

This time of year there are traditions which are part of every family's celebrations. Some of these we have inherited from our spouses family. Like tomato soup as part of the Christmas lunch. Carols from King's College. And sitting down to listen to the Queen's speech.

Others we carry over from our own early years......like not sitting down for the Queen's speech. Or watching the New Year's Concert from Vienna which goes out to 50 countries.

The Vienna Concert has a particular resonance with me as it reminds me of my father who loved Strauss. So each time I hear Strauss and The Beautiful Blue Danube I recall his memeory and know that if he could have gone to the Concert it would have been one of the highlights of his life.

I wonder what music would remind you of your father?

If you have children, what might they chose of you? Now that would be an interesting and perhaps amusing selection!

15 Minute Recipe.

Will you take or make some time today with your spouse, to talk and listen together? Just 15 minutes a day, giving undivided attention can work wonders in helping a couple stay connected.

One Direction - 'Little Things'. A helpful reminder for Couples

'Never thought I would appreciate 'One Direction' but I am at the Gym and I hear this and realise that it is actually a very good song. It's not the best piece of writing as far as the lyrics go but it focuses on something very important in a relationship - the little things which make our partner unique.

Sometimes we can forget or miss these little appreciations, the little things which make our spouse or partner unique and special to us, especially if we are in a phase when things are not going well. That's when we can slip into a negative mindset which can leave a nasty taste in the relationship. At this point it is well to focus on the good and not allow the not-so-good to take hold.

And even if things are going well it is still important to communicate what it is you appreciate about your partner as a way of buildng up your friendship.

Take the time to make that little list. Share it. Enjoy and laugh over it. There might be a few surprises.

Marriage Preparation Evening Feedback.

 

'I normally get relationship information and advice from friends, my partner and family. This was an excellent evening and I feel really motivated about our relationship.'

'I need to think a lot harder about how my actions come across to my partner.'

'I was intrigued at the prospect of coming on a Marriage Preparation evening. I feel very motivated  as a result of being here asnd realise how important it is to learn to listen well to my partner.'

'This was a very good evening. The section, Bad Habits to Avoid - Good Habits to Foster is the one  which sticks with me from tonight.'

'I have never accessed relationshop advice from anywhere before. I would definitly recommend 'Love Well-Live Well' Marriage preparation to any couple.'

'I was intrigued at the prospect of coming tonight. The four sessions covered were excellent. I feel very motivated.'

What My Father Told Me.

I once asked some men to tell me what advice they had received from their Father. Their responses are at the end of this piece which I wrote about my own Dad.

I looked at myself
In the mirror,
Post shaving.

 

Minus glasses,

Squinting.

I had to move close. 

I saw my Father

His eyes.

Him, looking at me.

 

'It's ok, we all

Make mistakes sometimes'

He said.

'Keep your head up'
He counselled. 

 

What advice did your Father give you ?

My Father told me he was pleased at some of my accomplishments.

My Father told me, "Always keep the family together and make sure you spend time with your children."

My Father said, "Be honest in what you do and that will stand you in good stead no matter what you do in life."

The most important words from my Father? "Son you are a Bachelor Boy and that's the way to stay. Son you be a Bachelor Boy until your dying day."

What my Father said was, "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again. He was lost and is found." Boy did we celebrate!

What advice did your Father give you?
What will you tell your own children?

Don't let your love slip away.