Landmark case enshrines civil partnership as 'identical' to marriage.
Civil partners have “identical” rights to husbands and wives, three senior judges established yesterday as they settled the first multi-million pound homosexual split to come before the courts.
Don Gallagher, a West End actor, saw his £1.7 million “divorce” settlement from Peter Lawrence, a wealthy City analyst, reduced by almost £300,000 at the Court of Appeal. But the performer, who starred in the musical of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, walked away with an overall package worth almost £1.5 million, more than twice what his former partner had originally proposed.
The couple separated in 2008 after an 11-year relationship, which had been formalised as a civil partnership. Most of their income came from Mr Lawrence’s earnings as an analyst at J P Morgan, while Mr Gallagher combined his acting work with a “home making” role, the court heard. They shared a flat in London’s Docklands and a cottage in Sussex which Mr Gallagher furnished and describes as his “pride and joy”. He now lives there while Mr Lawrence kept the London flat after they separated.
But the dispute hinged on the fact that Mr Lawrence owned the London flat before the couple met. He initially proposed giving his former partner just 15 per cent of their £4 million joint assets. But a judge awarded Mr Gallagher almost half - or £1.7 million - including the cottage, a pension pot and a lump sum of almost £580,000. Yesterday, after an appeal by Mr Lawrence, the lump sum was reduced to give greater weight to the original value of the London flat.
Lord Justice Thorpe, sitting with Lord Justice Moses and Mr Justice Ryder, said there had been "no rationality" to the higher lump sum. Acknowledging that the case was a legal first, he made clear that the same principles should apply as in a heterosexual divorce. “This is said to be the first substantial appeal concerning financial orders made following the dissolution of a civil partnership," he said. "The fact that the claim arises from the dissolution of a civil partnership rather than a marriage is of little moment since it is common ground that the language of … the Civil Partnership Act 2004 is identical to the language of … the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973.”
Jonathan West, head of family law at the legal firm Prolegal, said: “This is a useful case particularly when considering the recent proposals to allow gay marriage. It should serve as a salutary lesson that anyone considering a civil partnership or gay marriage must understand what they are getting into … there should be no discrimination on grounds of sexual orientation and this case enshrines that principle.”
But Mr Gallagher’s lawyer, James Ferguson, of Boodle Hatfield, said: “Although the Court of Appeal made it clear that civil partnership dissolution cases should be treated in exactly the same way as divorces, it is questionable whether the outcome would have been the same if the facts had been transposed to an 11.7 year heterosexual marriage.”
Mr Gallagher added: “I am saddened by this case. Peter and I had spent more than 11 happy years together and achieved a great deal. It has been difficult on me and my family as I have had to borrow money to survive and to finance this court action.”
Wednesday, 4 April 2012
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
An Easter Thought For Couples.
It is Easter week. This is the time of the year when Christians remember the last week of the life of Jesus. During this week on the Thursday they recall his last meal, a Passover with his disciples. In the course of the evening there is the stunning incident when the Rabbi, in the true spirit of servant-hood, when none of the others present will condescend to what ought to be done, washes the feet of his own followers, including those of one who was, by all accounts, the least loveable. And then he instructs them henceforth to wash each other’s feet.
The significance of this incident only really impacted on me long after I first read it. On two separate occasions, years apart its power was impressed upon me.
I had been on holiday in Greece with a large group. We had spent a day in Athens during a week in which the city had experienced a heat wave. Our bus back to our camp site was late. So we loitered around in the uncomfortable heat, sweaty, sticky, feet feeling very grubby after a day tramping around the city sites. I meandered over to a fountain and sat on the edge with my ice lolly. And I put my tired plates of meat straight into the water. What an absolutely fantastic feeling, not only of mild coolness but sudden cleanliness. The penny dropped!
Many years later a friend came to visit our home for tea. Six of us enjoyed a good meal. After, with my wife, we switched into bed-time-routine mode with the children and “abandoned” our guest, as it was all hands to the pump to get the children organised. By 9 o’clock we had completed the “task” and sauntered down to begin to clear up from tea, fill the dishwasher, sweep floors, wipe the table, do the pots and pans, clean the cooker. A nightly 9pm routine alas.(We are not that bad really but things can build up, know what I mean?)
To our utter astonishment and sheer delight our guest had done the lot! It was such a fantastic feeling. It is what I call the “dynamic equivalent” of actually washing someone else’s feet. And it brought us such unexpected, undeserved pleasure. No dishes! A tidy kitchen!
What would happen in a relationship,where things are decidedly cool, not going well at all, if we were to take the initiative and wash the other person’s feet? It could be the first step back from autumn or winter to summer. What would happen if one person adopted the servant attitude, in a 21st century version of foot-washing? How might it bring about a climate change in the relationship?
Our feelings may be cool and cooling fast. We may be slowly disengaging emotionally from each other. It may have crept up on us in the midst of our partnership as parents with all the ordinary things needing attending to. But love is a choice. It is about attitude. Feet need washing every day. A simple act of the will on a daily basis may be the route into rediscovering love again.
I think it’s called, Resurrection.
And more so. This is a lesson not just for when things are not good. Couples whose relationship is going well need to continue to attend to those inventive acts of service which can keep it on track.
Happy Easter.
The significance of this incident only really impacted on me long after I first read it. On two separate occasions, years apart its power was impressed upon me.
I had been on holiday in Greece with a large group. We had spent a day in Athens during a week in which the city had experienced a heat wave. Our bus back to our camp site was late. So we loitered around in the uncomfortable heat, sweaty, sticky, feet feeling very grubby after a day tramping around the city sites. I meandered over to a fountain and sat on the edge with my ice lolly. And I put my tired plates of meat straight into the water. What an absolutely fantastic feeling, not only of mild coolness but sudden cleanliness. The penny dropped!
Many years later a friend came to visit our home for tea. Six of us enjoyed a good meal. After, with my wife, we switched into bed-time-routine mode with the children and “abandoned” our guest, as it was all hands to the pump to get the children organised. By 9 o’clock we had completed the “task” and sauntered down to begin to clear up from tea, fill the dishwasher, sweep floors, wipe the table, do the pots and pans, clean the cooker. A nightly 9pm routine alas.(We are not that bad really but things can build up, know what I mean?)
To our utter astonishment and sheer delight our guest had done the lot! It was such a fantastic feeling. It is what I call the “dynamic equivalent” of actually washing someone else’s feet. And it brought us such unexpected, undeserved pleasure. No dishes! A tidy kitchen!
What would happen in a relationship,where things are decidedly cool, not going well at all, if we were to take the initiative and wash the other person’s feet? It could be the first step back from autumn or winter to summer. What would happen if one person adopted the servant attitude, in a 21st century version of foot-washing? How might it bring about a climate change in the relationship?
Our feelings may be cool and cooling fast. We may be slowly disengaging emotionally from each other. It may have crept up on us in the midst of our partnership as parents with all the ordinary things needing attending to. But love is a choice. It is about attitude. Feet need washing every day. A simple act of the will on a daily basis may be the route into rediscovering love again.
I think it’s called, Resurrection.
And more so. This is a lesson not just for when things are not good. Couples whose relationship is going well need to continue to attend to those inventive acts of service which can keep it on track.
Happy Easter.
Friday, 30 March 2012
Time Out For Parents. A New Parenting Resource From X plus Y
Warning. Children!
Time Out For Parents.
Who is it for?
Designed for parents of younger children (0 – 9) Time Out for Parents covers general parenting principles. With a focus on prevention its five 2 - hour sessions help parents recognise the good and the positive things they are already doing and consider any changes they may want to make.
“Thank you for the parenting course. It has completely changed the way we operate as a family and has helped us all.”
“The parenting course gave me my life back. I finally learnt some ways to deal with my son and I’ve never looked back.”
What does it cover?
What children really need – understanding each child is different yet all have the same basic needs.
Emotional security – knowing what boosts and what damages self-esteem, helping children express feelings well plus listening skills.
Setting limits – the importance of boundary setting.
Keeping safe – including bullying, stranger-danger.
Problem solving – applying positive principles to different problems.
Contact Colm for details and bookings.
(Positive Parenting: www.parenting.org.uk)
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
Let Your Child Have You For A Day.
In the midst of a recent conversation at a parenting event I was attending I heard the phrase, "Sometimes I feel like I am just a taxi for my children!" It was said with a humourous grumpyness. How many of us have thought and felt the same, especially when you get the feeling that you are living your whole week at the local Leisure Centre and your children's times for their various classes are all higgledy piggledy and a logistical nightmare.
There is an upside and maybe I am saying this because our schedule is fairly reasonable this term. Who knows what will happen after Easter! But, the opportunities our children have at their disposal to be involved in a wide variety of groups is amazing. In my childhood days such choice was absent, partly because of geography (we lived in a relative backwater) but there has also been an explosion of availability, coupled with greater access through families being more mobile..............lots more family cars around.
The other upside is that you might find yourself having time alone with one of your children, once a week in the car. You have them and they have you. And those times can be very valuable. Sometimes a child will tell you all sorts of things when you have them on their own. Like, what is or is not happening at school, friendship issues, things about music and more.
You may of course have all 5 children at the same time and that's a different matter! It's called a nightmare - you know, at the Leisure Centre from 4 - 6.30 because there is no other way to organise it!
Whether it is 'forced' on you by their activity programme or something you deliberately plan for, it is worth nurturing one-to-one times with each of your children. Particularly if things have not been going well with a child, it can remind you as a parent that you still love them, they are great away from whatever it is that stresses them and it gives the child the blessing of a parent all to themselves without sibling rivalry. A child, the quieter one, the youngest one, can 'get lost' in a larger family because parental time is taken up with all else that is happening.
Let your child have you for a day or an afternoon. Let your teenager have you for an evening. Manage the former and the latter may be possible.
There is an upside and maybe I am saying this because our schedule is fairly reasonable this term. Who knows what will happen after Easter! But, the opportunities our children have at their disposal to be involved in a wide variety of groups is amazing. In my childhood days such choice was absent, partly because of geography (we lived in a relative backwater) but there has also been an explosion of availability, coupled with greater access through families being more mobile..............lots more family cars around.
The other upside is that you might find yourself having time alone with one of your children, once a week in the car. You have them and they have you. And those times can be very valuable. Sometimes a child will tell you all sorts of things when you have them on their own. Like, what is or is not happening at school, friendship issues, things about music and more.
You may of course have all 5 children at the same time and that's a different matter! It's called a nightmare - you know, at the Leisure Centre from 4 - 6.30 because there is no other way to organise it!
Whether it is 'forced' on you by their activity programme or something you deliberately plan for, it is worth nurturing one-to-one times with each of your children. Particularly if things have not been going well with a child, it can remind you as a parent that you still love them, they are great away from whatever it is that stresses them and it gives the child the blessing of a parent all to themselves without sibling rivalry. A child, the quieter one, the youngest one, can 'get lost' in a larger family because parental time is taken up with all else that is happening.
Let your child have you for a day or an afternoon. Let your teenager have you for an evening. Manage the former and the latter may be possible.
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
The Master Chef Marriage.
“We have a unique relationship. We are like an old married couple.” John Torode talking about his working TV friendship with Greg Wallace on ‘Master Chef.’
The papers have been covering the story of the demise of the marriages of John Torode and Greg Wallace, the presenters of the hugely successful series of ‘Master Chef.’ 5 marriages between them.
When you read about the life-styles of these two men there are tell-tale signs which flag up the need for vigilance. Previous broken marriages. Exhaustive TV work schedules on top of their other work, leaving time for little else. The adrenalin of success and the fame that comes with it. Serial infidelity, in one case. Any relationship under such pressures is going to suffer.
Strain need not but often does lead to estrangement, drifting apart. In most marriages emotional drift is the most common cause of break-up. Not necessarily because of heavy work loads, fame etc . It can also be the result of quietly losing touch with one another in the very ordinary lives which the majority of us live. Tell-tale signs don’t of course mean inevitability but they do act as red light warning signals and the presence of real risk. They should alert us to restorative action.
In the exalted atmosphere of fame and fortune Matt Damon, who has a 3 year old, a 5 year old and a 15 year old, speaks of making sure that he spends no more than two weeks away from his wife and children. It is a two week rule: they won’t be apart as a family for longer than two weeks and so far he and his wife have managed to keep it to one week. On a day to day basis he and his wife get the kids off to school and then have an hour together when they have coffee. They are creating a lasting legacy for their children.
Each couple needs to work out how to regulate their own relationship. For most of us in the ordinary run of the mill lives, it is about creating space, diaried space when we date our spouse once a month on the anniversary date of our wedding and on a daily basis, creating catch-up time. And if circumstances allow and can be arranged, an annual weekend away together.
The recipe for a drifting marriage can often begin with something simple. You make time for each other as a priority. Talking and listening time. Fun, doing-things-together-time. Non- children time. Reconnecting and reviving the friendship which mattered so much in the early days but may have become obscured and lost. It has to be an intentional part of how you take care of your marriage. And, very importantly, keeping work and success in perspective.
The oft-quoted cliche is true, no one on their death bed ever said they wished they had spent more time at work.
.
The papers have been covering the story of the demise of the marriages of John Torode and Greg Wallace, the presenters of the hugely successful series of ‘Master Chef.’ 5 marriages between them.
When you read about the life-styles of these two men there are tell-tale signs which flag up the need for vigilance. Previous broken marriages. Exhaustive TV work schedules on top of their other work, leaving time for little else. The adrenalin of success and the fame that comes with it. Serial infidelity, in one case. Any relationship under such pressures is going to suffer.
Strain need not but often does lead to estrangement, drifting apart. In most marriages emotional drift is the most common cause of break-up. Not necessarily because of heavy work loads, fame etc . It can also be the result of quietly losing touch with one another in the very ordinary lives which the majority of us live. Tell-tale signs don’t of course mean inevitability but they do act as red light warning signals and the presence of real risk. They should alert us to restorative action.
In the exalted atmosphere of fame and fortune Matt Damon, who has a 3 year old, a 5 year old and a 15 year old, speaks of making sure that he spends no more than two weeks away from his wife and children. It is a two week rule: they won’t be apart as a family for longer than two weeks and so far he and his wife have managed to keep it to one week. On a day to day basis he and his wife get the kids off to school and then have an hour together when they have coffee. They are creating a lasting legacy for their children.
Each couple needs to work out how to regulate their own relationship. For most of us in the ordinary run of the mill lives, it is about creating space, diaried space when we date our spouse once a month on the anniversary date of our wedding and on a daily basis, creating catch-up time. And if circumstances allow and can be arranged, an annual weekend away together.
The recipe for a drifting marriage can often begin with something simple. You make time for each other as a priority. Talking and listening time. Fun, doing-things-together-time. Non- children time. Reconnecting and reviving the friendship which mattered so much in the early days but may have become obscured and lost. It has to be an intentional part of how you take care of your marriage. And, very importantly, keeping work and success in perspective.
The oft-quoted cliche is true, no one on their death bed ever said they wished they had spent more time at work.
.
Thursday, 8 March 2012
"Other People Should Come On This," she said.
From an evening of Marriage Preparation at a local Church the following comments were made:
He said, "I was nervous and fearful about coming on the evening but having been here I feel very motivated about our relationship.I am very glad that we came along."
She said, "I was excited about the evening and I feel really motivated about getting married."
He said, "I felt just ok about the prospect of the evening. Now I feel motivated."
She said, "I was feeling ok about coming and now I am reassured."
He said, "The information about the 5 Love Languages was excellent."
She said, "I thought the sections on Communication and Bad Habits-Good Habits were excellent."
He said, "I really appreciated the section about Bad Habits-Good Habits."
She said, "I think it would be good for other people to come on this."
They all said, "The section on Forgiveness in Marriage was very good."
'Love Well - Live Well'- An evening of Marriage Preparation by 'X plus Y'
Monday, 5 March 2012
Parent-Talk. An Evening For Parents. P7-S1
Find Out About:
The 5 Stages of Parenting.
What really matters to children?
Staying Connected.
Can The worst of times can be the best of times?
Being a Positive Parent.
Worried about substance abuse and young people?
Where? The Olive Grove Cafe, Southside Road, Kingsmill, Crown.
When? Wednesday March 21st 8pm – 10pm
Cost. £5 per Parent/s
Learn from others, share good practice - Find out about other resources.
“Believe me, my children have more stamina than a power station.”
Robbie Coltrane.
“I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.” Reese Witherspoon.
“There is no joy like parental joy, no pain like parental pain.”
Rob Parsons.
An evening organised by The Olive Grove, 6 Southside Road and presented by
Colm Black, X plus Y Ltd., www.xplusy.co.uk
If you wish to attend please get in touch at info@xplusy.co.uk
Places are limited.
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