Amnesia

My wife is constantly amazed by me. What she finds most remarkable(or is it frustrating?) is that I can remember the most trivial of information – especially about sport or films from years ago – but I somehow have difficulty remembering who came to Sunday lunch two weeks ago!

Amnesia is a serious matter in relationships. It tends to occur when things are going wrong between couples. We become locked into a negative mind-set which is pre-occupied with the present crisis. We tend to think that the stage we are in is where we will always be. We find it hard to imagine, or visualise, as the sports coach would say, that things can be different. In such a time we are apt to forget that once we were in love, enjoyed walking, talking and engaging in a host of other pleasant experiences which persuaded us that this person is the right one for us.

In relationships there are some simple steps which can be helpful. Here are two:

Take a sheet of paper. Write down all the positive characteristics which first attracted you to your partner. Remind yourselves of the good in each other. If your partner is unwilling to do this, write them a letter of appreciation. If what Mark Twain said is true,”I can live for two months on a good compliment,” then such words of affirmation and appreciation could have a remarkable effect on your partner.

Secondly, write down all the things you did together in the early years of your relationship, which you really enjoyed. Share them with each other and talk about the memories. Then intentionally diary some of them in and go and do them. Rediscover the places and pleasures together. If your partner is not interested in this, then write a letter to them outlining these memories and make a request that you would like to revisit some of the experiences.

When things are not good, we can end up thinking the worst all the time and forgetting where we have come from.

Think the best. Love always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres.