Strauss. Music to Remember Dad.

This time of year there are traditions which are part of every family's celebrations. Some of these we have inherited from our spouses family. Like tomato soup as part of the Christmas lunch. Carols from King's College. And sitting down to listen to the Queen's speech.

Others we carry over from our own early years......like not sitting down for the Queen's speech. Or watching the New Year's Concert from Vienna which goes out to 50 countries.

The Vienna Concert has a particular resonance with me as it reminds me of my father who loved Strauss. So each time I hear Strauss and The Beautiful Blue Danube I recall his memeory and know that if he could have gone to the Concert it would have been one of the highlights of his life.

I wonder what music would remind you of your father?

If you have children, what might they chose of you? Now that would be an interesting and perhaps amusing selection!

15 Minute Recipe.

Will you take or make some time today with your spouse, to talk and listen together? Just 15 minutes a day, giving undivided attention can work wonders in helping a couple stay connected.

One Direction - 'Little Things'. A helpful reminder for Couples

'Never thought I would appreciate 'One Direction' but I am at the Gym and I hear this and realise that it is actually a very good song. It's not the best piece of writing as far as the lyrics go but it focuses on something very important in a relationship - the little things which make our partner unique.

Sometimes we can forget or miss these little appreciations, the little things which make our spouse or partner unique and special to us, especially if we are in a phase when things are not going well. That's when we can slip into a negative mindset which can leave a nasty taste in the relationship. At this point it is well to focus on the good and not allow the not-so-good to take hold.

And even if things are going well it is still important to communicate what it is you appreciate about your partner as a way of buildng up your friendship.

Take the time to make that little list. Share it. Enjoy and laugh over it. There might be a few surprises.

Marriage Preparation Evening Feedback.

 

'I normally get relationship information and advice from friends, my partner and family. This was an excellent evening and I feel really motivated about our relationship.'

'I need to think a lot harder about how my actions come across to my partner.'

'I was intrigued at the prospect of coming on a Marriage Preparation evening. I feel very motivated  as a result of being here asnd realise how important it is to learn to listen well to my partner.'

'This was a very good evening. The section, Bad Habits to Avoid - Good Habits to Foster is the one  which sticks with me from tonight.'

'I have never accessed relationshop advice from anywhere before. I would definitly recommend 'Love Well-Live Well' Marriage preparation to any couple.'

'I was intrigued at the prospect of coming tonight. The four sessions covered were excellent. I feel very motivated.'

What My Father Told Me.

I once asked some men to tell me what advice they had received from their Father. Their responses are at the end of this piece which I wrote about my own Dad.

I looked at myself
In the mirror,
Post shaving.

 

Minus glasses,

Squinting.

I had to move close. 

I saw my Father

His eyes.

Him, looking at me.

 

'It's ok, we all

Make mistakes sometimes'

He said.

'Keep your head up'
He counselled. 

 

What advice did your Father give you ?

My Father told me he was pleased at some of my accomplishments.

My Father told me, "Always keep the family together and make sure you spend time with your children."

My Father said, "Be honest in what you do and that will stand you in good stead no matter what you do in life."

The most important words from my Father? "Son you are a Bachelor Boy and that's the way to stay. Son you be a Bachelor Boy until your dying day."

What my Father said was, "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again. He was lost and is found." Boy did we celebrate!

What advice did your Father give you?
What will you tell your own children?

Don't let your love slip away.

Hard Drives Replacing Sex Drives.

Separate Beds, Checking Your Blackberry and a Glass of Water – New Night Time Habits in Marriage.

 

British sleep researchers say the secret of a happy marriage may be separate beds -- or even separate bedroom. The Sleep Council reports that when couples share a bed both may be woken about six times during the night by their partner. The problem is worse if one or both snores or has restless leg syndrome.

About 25 percent of British adults snore, the British Snoring and Sleep Apnea Association said. The problem may cost their partners two hours of sleep every night.

In the United States, researchers at the University of Wisconsin found that the greatest marital problems seem to occur when one partner is a lark, getting up early in the morning ready for the day, and the other an owl who prefers to stay up late and sleep in. A California woman ended up getting a divorce because she got fed up with her husband's habit of staying up late playing computer games.

For other couples, separate bedrooms could be the right choice. The National Association of Home Builders predicted that by 2015 a majority of custom-built homes will have his-and-hers master bedrooms.

But what we do in bed is also changing according to the Sleep Council as sex drives are being swapped for hard drives as a quarter of British couples admit to sleeping separately on a regular basis.  According to the results of a survey by The Sleep Council for National Bed Month (March), the British bed is in danger of becoming more of a communications hub than a place for sleep as eight out of 10 people boot up a variety of hi-tech gadgets before bedtime.

The survey, to discover how The Great British Bedtime is changing, found a glass of water and separate beds are replacing cocoa and cuddles at bedtime.

After cleaning their teeth with an electric toothbrush and setting the alarm on their Blackberry or mobile (22%), the average adult slips, exhausted, into bed between 10 and 11pm. 40% rarely or sometimes go to bed at the same time as their partner while one in four couples admit to always or regularly sleeping separately. And before people lie down, charging up electrical appliances (22%) has definitely taken over from prayers (10%) as part of our bedtime routine.

 

“Busy night time routines are driving couples’ bedtimes and even their bedrooms apart,” says Jessica Alexander of The Sleep Council, “Nine per cent of those questioned admitted to always sleeping separately from their partner.”  Hardly surprising when you discover what people do in bed. One in three of us makes phone calls and sends or receives text or emails in bed. A further one in five keeps busy checking up on social networking sites such as Facebook, playing a computer game or listening to MP3 players.

 

But some things about The Great British Bedtime don’t change: the eponymous British ‘Jim Jams’ remain the most popular bedtime apparel with women (37%) outnumbering men (21%) in wearing them. Men are almost twice as likely as women (40% as opposed to 22%) to wear nothing at all. And a minority 1% of men questioned claim to wear a nightie!