More please?

"Colm, thank you so much for the 3 marriage preparations sessions you have done with us so far. You have given us many things to think about, important things we would not normally have considered. Yes, we definitely want to complete the course and have the last 3 sessions on Money, Children and In-laws."

Marriage Preparation. Building your life together on good foundations.

X plus Y 

Resources For Couples Who Want The Best.

Climate Change.

When things are not going too well, when you are under pressure, beginning to nip at each other, rather than scan the horizon for your partners faults and mistakes, telescope in on the good, their achievements, their successes and express your appreciation. Create a culture of praise and foster climate change in your relationship.

Seeing Dad.

Sometimes I unexpectedly see

My long-dead Father

When I am fiddling.

Trying to do up a button

On a shirt,

Find scissors in a drawer,

Sort the DVD player

Or turn on the stubborn gas.

My hands flutter

And fluster.

His signature,

In the dance

Of my own.

Feeling Positive About Marriage

'Thanks for the marriage preparation Colm. It was a very positive experience and we appreciated talking about a variety of issues in a relaxed setting.' Things we have learned? We are comfortable and open in talking about any issue. It is so important to make time for each other. Forgiveness and saying sorry is really important in a relationship. Listening is as important as talking. All relationships have ups and downs and it is how you deal with them that matters.

The Best Prospects For Children

Lord Sacks, the Chief Rabb: “It is marriage that makes the greatest difference to the prospects, the life chances of our children. The breakdown of marriage carries with it not just a financial cost, not just a social cost, but a human and psychological cost. The greatest way of endowing our children with happiness is to give them the opportunity to form a stable and loving relationship with the two people who brought them into being.”

Warning! Children Can Damage Your Marriage.

Our culture has become very child-centric, meaning we place our children in the center of our lives. We make them our number one priority. There are many reasons we do this. Perhaps we felt neglected as children and we want to give our own children better lives. We see everyone else- friends, neighbors, relatives- doing it and we feel compelled to do the same. We are busy with work and feel that all of our free time should be spent with our children, and so on. Although on the surface of things, these reasons make perfect sense. However, when we live our lives this way, our marriages suffer. We become strangers to our spouses. We feel more connected to our children than our partners. That explains why empty nesters are still divorcing in droves. Once the children leave home, the relationship void feels overwhelming. I always tell couples that the best thing they can do for their children is to make the marriage the most important thing in their lives. Children benefit enormously when their parents have loving, close relationships. Plus, it makes marital longevity more likely. But most importantly, it models for children what good marriages are all about. If you find yourself or your spouse paying more attention to your children than each other, stop, and switch gears. That will put your marriage on safer ground. From:'7 Signs Your Marriage Is In Trouble' Michelle-Weiner Davis www.divorcebusting.com/blog

William & Kate One Year On.

Like many other couples, I am sure that William and Kate have found themselves thinking, 'Has it been one year already since our wedding?'
Much has been made of that year. ITV are devoting a whole programme to looking back on it and how this young couple, in the most extraordinary of circumstances have coped. Admirably well it seems. They have been described as 'a refreshing and uplifting part of the firm' and Kate gets on very well with her mother-in-law!
 Apart from their connections with 'the firm' they are experiencing much of what other ordinary couples have to contend with. Strange work schedules which mean extended time apart. The ordinariness of home life, the cooking, shopping, sorting that infernal pile of odd socks , washing and so on. 'We haven't got cooks and butlers and cleaners coming out of our ears at home in Anglesey. We cook together. We do the washing up together. We lead a normal life', quotes Tim Ewart in the Radio Times.
 First anniversaries are important. But later ones are more important after the glow of the early days has long faded. (Sometimes however one is apt to forget the date!) One simple key to not forgetting, is to not leave it as a annual occasion. Instead of waiting 12 months make your anniversary a monthly event.
What date was your wedding? Ok, on that date every month plan in a date night. Celebrate not just the
wedding date but your on-going friendship with your spouse. Have fun, eat out, watch a film, play a board game, go to the theater. Enjoy one another regularly beyond the grind, the routine, the shift work, the sometimes down-right hard work of parenting.
There is greater on-going value in the regular monthly date night, than in the once in a while big splash, especially if a couple is struggling in between. And on a daily basis, create a culture of appreciation. A word of encouragement, a compliment, a thank you, a touch. Be intentional about it.